never hurt me

sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can never hurt me...
never hurt me...
never hurt me...
then why am i so depressed
and why am i so pessimistic
and why am i such a hermit
and why do i hate myself so much
and why don’t i give a shit about anything
and why do i have trouble just getting out of bed
and why do i still contemplate suicide
and why do i still want to kill the bastards
that tormented me as a child 40 years ago...

the issue of bullying is on the table
it took kids with guns killing other kids to get it there
you know- peer group torture builds character!
you know- boys will be boys
you know- kids will be kids
you know- assholes will be assholes
and this is still seen as acceptable behavior

some of us are so connected to our creativity
that it is impossible for us to do anything less
some of us are motivated to pursue this despite the odds
for some of us character is built by nurturing our creativity-
not by demeaning us by name calling
because we are less interested in sports-
you know- those names that boys call other boys
because it’s been decided that they aren’t boys
because they don’t care about sports...
like sissy and faggot-
now you know what happens when homophobic kids
call other kids faggots- whether they are or not
some of those kids- who can take it no more-
who have access to guns- are finally doing something about it...
i’ve wondered what i might have done
if guns had been present in my childhood

at least- NOW- certain children are being recognized as gifted

pursuing excellence is a profound thing to do
achieving artistic excellence is- in fact-
more profound than achieving athletic excellence
sorry if this seems in opposition to the belief structure
held by the athletic asshole elite...

if it seems like I still have a lot of rage present-
that’s what happens when you live for 10 years
with the constant fear of being in the wrong place
at the wrong time with the wrong people

sticks and stones may break my bones
but bones heal relatively quickly
words hurt more than anything
they damage the emotional body
and destroy a child’s self-worth-
at a time when the child does not have the life experience
and the emotional maturity to understand what’s happening
and the damage is invisible to the naked eye
except for the obvious-
the person who has been hurt- cries
except for- you know- boys don’t cry...
this hurt can take an entire wasted lifetime to heal
and until you get to the bottom of it
you never even know what is getting in the way
and keeping you from manifesting your full potential

so did i get over it?
yes i did-
but it’s still there...
so never hurt me again
because NOW i am a shaman
and you should be very afraid...

as people- we’re still not much different than monkeys
as a society- we’re still unable to just get along together
as a civilization- we’re still disrespectful egocentric barbarians
alpha males still trying to run everything-
completely disconnected from their feelings
thank god i’m not the only one who can see this...