true self

to discover the true self one must look closely
one must quiet the mind and enter the silence
i found the silence in a wall of sound
most people can’t even be bothered to look
it takes too much time and energy-
and everything is a diversion

when i looked closely at my life i discovered many patterns
i found that i could break old patterns
and then heal and recreate myself
when i looked closely at my mortality- i discovered immortality
as i explored my immorality- i found my own morality
and i found it based in a compassionate heart

when i looked closely at society
all the good- all the bad- and the indifferent
i saw it reflected in myself
when i looked closely at myself what i saw reflected back was god-
and my definition of god became all-that-is
all-that-is is inclusive

as i sorrowed over all the pain of life on earth
this ache became the mother
when i anguished at my mother- she held the space for me
as i passed away again- each time i was reborn
as i shed another skin- i came to understand the larger cycle

when i learned how to ask for help
i learned how important it is to know what i want
when i chose to move beyond separation
nothing else mattered

even as i continued to struggle to survive
my understanding of survival shifted
when i allowed the universe to support me
it did- it always has- it always will
when- against all odds- i pursued my creativity- i succeeded
it took many lifetimes

as i journeyed seeking home- home became wherever i was

as i found i could deny nothing- anything became possible
when anything became possible- a direct connection to god opened
it opened via breath work and movement

as i opened to this presence i encountered first- the feminine
the feminine presence flowed up out of the earth
when i became comfortable with this darkness
an incredible experience of light flowed down on me
as my heart exploded open- i came to know the son
as i became a sun to others- i healed the gap between
as i shared this gift of healing- i gave the heart of god

there were times when i had to move rage in order to heal
and i found that i had to rage at god
i knew that god would hold the space for me
as i allowed myself to do this- at first i spoke with my voice
but then i began to speak the mother’s voice
and then i began to speak the demon’s voice

when i named god the motherfucker
i identified original cause- the cause of all the grief
all the fear- all the pain and all the sorrow of life on earth
what’s wrong with this picture?
god is supposed to be the source of joy and happiness

as i merged the light and dark- i healed myself
i became what i already was
the self- knowing the self- loving the self
working and playing with the self
co-creating with the self
the whole self
the true self

as i opened to an illuminated state i became at one with all
matter infused with light- heaven on earth
after i had done the work- i knew it all was worth it
when i found that there is nothing but love
love became what i am
i am what i am
LOVE